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Jokes :-D

Innocent Girl

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

Who Is Stupid?

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Dead Bird

Atif and Goher were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Goher says, "Aww, Atif, look at the dead bird."

Atif looks up at the sky and says, "Where?"

Stop Sign

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over.

"No," the man replied.

"You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained.

"But I did slow down!" the guy argued.
The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."
The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?"

The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."

Back To School

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to
tell her that he was misbehaving.

"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

A Mental Hospital

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

Eye Surgery

While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"

"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."

"I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."

Feel Better Now

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

You've Got Mail

A man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, a blonde, went out to her mailbox, opened it, and returned to her home empty handed.

About five minutes later, he saw the blonde again. She checked the mailbox and once again, returned to her house empty handed.

She did this two more times before the man decided to ask her about it. "Why do you keep coming out to your mailbox every five minutes?" the man asked.

"Because," replied the blonde, "my computer keeps telling me that I've got mail!"

Second Notice

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.

"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!

Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor : Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer.!!

Early to bed and early to rise Early to bed and early to rise makes ur girlfriend go out with other guys.
Husband asks, Do u know the meaning of WIFE. Husband asks, Do u know the meaning of WIFE. It means...Without Information Fighting Evrytime! WIFE on hearing this says, it could also mean-With Idiot For Ever.
Doctor to Patient : The check which u gave Doctor to Patient : The check which u gave me has returned back. Patient to Doctor:The head-ache for which you gave me medicine has also returned back.
Why did sardar cut the sides of medicine: Why did sardar cut the sides of medicine before eating it ? think think think to avoid sde EFFECTS.
How Old is ur father Tcher: How Old is ur father. Ali: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.
Ek sawal...14 FEB VALENTINES Ek sawal...14FEB VALENTINES DAY ko log AISA KYA KARTE HAI KI THEEK 9 MAHINAY BAAD 14 NOV KO "CHILDREN DAY" MANANA PADTA HAI.
Mammu Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain Yeh to unke bache hee kamine hain, Jo Mammu-Mammu bulaate hain.

Papa 1st Child: Mere Papa Bahut Darpok Hain. 2nd Child: Why? 1st Child: Jab Bhi Road Cross Karte Hain, Meri Ungli Pakad Lete Hain aur kehte chhodna mat.
Mard ki life Har mard ki life dekho to Without shadi SPIDERMAN Shadi k time SUPERMAN Shadi k bad GENTLEMAN or Biwi khubsurat ho to puri umar WATCHMAN
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy 2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
Teacher asked a boy Once a math's teacher asked a boy: If U have 12 chocolates, U give 4 to Huma, 5 to Sobia and 3 to Maliha What wil U have? He replied: 3 new girlfriends.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day? Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE. Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE. It means...Without Information Fighting Every time! WIFE says No, it means - With Idiot for Ever
Sardar was writing something very slowly. Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked: Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: Im writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he cant read very fast.
Sardar proposed a Girl...... Girl said Im 1yr elder to you Sardar proposed a Girl...... Girl said Im 1yr elder to you........... Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye, Ill marry you NEXT YEAR.
Sardar to Girlfriend Sardar to Girlfriend= Darling main tum se shaadi nahi karsakta gharwale mana karrahe hai. Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai. Sardar= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche...

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